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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Unfinished Business

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I need a kickstart, since my life seems to have stalled again. I know when it happened but am not sure yet how to get back to where I was going. I am at that point in the cycle where I just feel a bit lost, a bit off-track, and infinitely frustrated. Like I've crossed over the fine line between contentment and boredom and look around wholly displeased with where I'm standing, still undecided as to which foot to pick up first and where to go from here.

I've got way too much energy to be stagnant, and the longer I squander it the weirder I get and more annoyed I become with myself. All the more likely I am to do something stupid/regrettable. All I'm saying is that if this morphs into a week of truly bad poetry and too much alcohol, it's just not going to end well at all.

I know the things I enjoy and that bring me a deep sense of satisfaction, but I can't always do them. Unless I win the lottery and become insanely wealthy, thereby freeing me up to pay those remaining debts, travel and pour my life into helping the poor around the world. And it's clear that daydreaming about what I'd rather be doing borders on ridiculous, and amounts to filler. That isn't the life I want to live or the story I want to tell.

And back to the need for a kickstart:

Something new. Or, something old that didn't work out so well the first time around, or got set aside when I hit a wall with it. Unfinished business.

Write
Paint
Plan my escape
Grow pretty things
Make edible things
Rebuild
Break
Reinvent
Learn something
Find inspiration

The one thing I know right now is that something has to change, and I prefer to be the one doing the changing.

2 comments:

  1. Hey michelle, I'm trying a new church tonight its called the sanctuary. You just might like it. Here is the website www.sanctuaryhb.com ! Full of really cool people who have a hunger and thirst for God and have had some rough lives. Love ya and praying for ya julie

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  2. hey girl.. i know that when i need a change or feeling that way. i need more of God. im trying a new church tonight. i think you might like it. here is there website. www.sanctuaryhb.com .. love ya and praying for you
    julie

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