Statute of Limitations

Is there a statute of limitations when it comes to dating the ex of a friend?

This oh-so-awkward topic came up just yesterday when a close and dear girl friend asked me how I would feel about her going out with one of my exes from long ago. Apparently, they had started communicating just recently and he asked her out. Poor thing, I know it took her a while to even broach the subject with me. I mean, how do you bring that up with grace and tact? Not an easy thing to do, so I must give her credit there.

For a wee bit o' history on The Guy, this particular ex was one the great loves of my life. He entered my world when I was in a very dark place and like a beautiful, golden ray of light, he gave me the respect, love and grace that I had always wanted but never knew was possible. I know. But oh, it's true. We had a passionate, joyful, ecstatic love affair that felt right and true. It was the kind of relationship where I felt free to grow and discover my own likes and desires without having to suppress them for someone else. I still had a lot of personal healing to go through, but really we just accepted and loved each other. Simple. Needless to say, I was pretty devastated when we broke up.

A bit more history- The Girl Friend: We had been incredibly close for several years, BFF's and roommates with enough dirt on each other to make a fortune in blackmail $$ if either of us ever got rich, but with enough class and AtGFC (Adherance to Girl Friends Code) to never betray the other. "To the Grave" was one of our favorite mottos. Not long after the time that The Guy and I became a couple, The Girl Friend and I were beginning to move in separate directions. It was not because of anything against the other (as far as I know) but simply finding ourselves dealing with life and choosing different paths. So, when things with me and The Guy ended, The Girl Friend wasn't really aware of what it did to me. We had all but stopped talking to each other by that time.

OK, fast forward a few years. The Guy and I are talking occasionally, on amicable terms, and just at peace. The Girl Friend and I still hadn't spoken in years.

Fast forward another decade and change. The Girl Friend finds me on a social networking site, we "friend" each other, and start to repair what was broken. We find ourselves at a place in life where our friendship fits and makes sense and is really good again. It feels right. Apparently, this maturity thing is pretty good for the soul.

And now, this question of dating my ex appears, begging to be addressed. I don't wanna! (Ignore previous statement regarding maturity)

Logically, I know that I have absolutely no claims to this man. We literally haven't seen each other since we were in our 20's, and a lot has changed. 'Moving on' is an understatement! As far as I know, he is still a great guy and probably a really good catch. The Girl Friend is a beauty and deserves happiness as much as anyone else does. Why shouldn't they date? And if it works out, why shouldn't they find love together? Logically, I think, "What's the big deal?" Water under the bridge, etc. Emotionally, however, some weirdness definitely came up in me. And I do not mean my lunch.

After riding my personal roller coaster, I am finally settled about it all. Yes, he is a significant piece of my history. Yes, I loved him and have no regrets about that. And, yes, I realize that I have truly let him go. As for my friend, I honestly do want her to be happy... with him or with whoever is lucky enough to win her heart.

Unfinished Business

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I need a kickstart, since my life seems to have stalled again. I know when it happened but am not sure yet how to get back to where I was going. I am at that point in the cycle where I just feel a bit lost, a bit off-track, and infinitely frustrated. Like I've crossed over the fine line between contentment and boredom and look around wholly displeased with where I'm standing, still undecided as to which foot to pick up first and where to go from here.

I've got way too much energy to be stagnant, and the longer I squander it the weirder I get and more annoyed I become with myself. All the more likely I am to do something stupid/regrettable. All I'm saying is that if this morphs into a week of truly bad poetry and too much alcohol, it's just not going to end well at all.

I know the things I enjoy and that bring me a deep sense of satisfaction, but I can't always do them. Unless I win the lottery and become insanely wealthy, thereby freeing me up to pay those remaining debts, travel and pour my life into helping the poor around the world. And it's clear that daydreaming about what I'd rather be doing borders on ridiculous, and amounts to filler. That isn't the life I want to live or the story I want to tell.

And back to the need for a kickstart:

Something new. Or, something old that didn't work out so well the first time around, or got set aside when I hit a wall with it. Unfinished business.

Write
Paint
Plan my escape
Grow pretty things
Make edible things
Rebuild
Break
Reinvent
Learn something
Find inspiration

The one thing I know right now is that something has to change, and I prefer to be the one doing the changing.