Dark Night

Uh, oh- I'm having one of "those" days.

The kind of day where I wake up feeling really positive, my mind clear and focused, my heart content, and I am at peace... a good day. But as evening draws near, something entirely different starts to creep into my soul, and before I realize it I'm in a weird, lonely frame of mind and the dark place is only a few steps away. Insecurity seems to feast on my disappointment, each tiny slight or setback masquerades as a laughing enemy, pointing a long, cruel finger at me and snickering at my emptiness. The jealous gods condemn and punish me for daring to desire the touch of a lover, the longing to be held close and fall asleep enveloped in strong, safe arms. I can actually feel the tears filling my eyes, stinging, barely contained by my blinking them back; it's pointless to try, and with slumping shoulders I let them fall. Down my cheeks, burning streams scream of silent shame.

I try to talk some sense back into myself. I try to distract myself from the pain, the embarrassment, and it helps for a few minutes. Never long enough. The critic always wins on nights like this, so I shut up and take my lumps. Pathetic. Ugly. Drama Queen. Useless. Joke. Surely it will end soon, this black cloud of the soul will pass and I will feel like myself again. The old wounds will recede, the hissing insults and slander will be replaced by gentle, healing words. Kind. Talented. Strong. Worthy. Beautiful.

Today was a good day. Not a good night. But tomorrow, tomorrow is another day.