Accepted

I like to think of myself as someone who has developed into a relatively forward-thinking and reasonable person, tempered with a huge portion of passion and intensity. There's a lot going on inside my head and my heart at any given moment, whether or not I choose to let you see it. Growing up, this was more simplistically labled as being "moody" or "emotional" but that's just not accurate. It was most often the label that my Mom, God rest her soul, would throw at me when she or someone else pushed my button and I consequently unleashed one of my deadly glares, scowls, eye rolls, pshaws, and/or litany of verbal counter-attacks, followed by the requisite door slam. "Ay, Mee-chel, joo are so dem MOODY!" God, I miss my Mom. And maybe she was a little bit right. Maybe I am so dem moody. Or maybe, it's just that when I experience injustice, hypocrisy, bullying, or in some way feel the need to defend myself or someone else, it puts me in a fired-up mood and I lose my cool. Passionately.

I've gone to extremes over the years in trying to come to terms with my duality, somehow coming to the conclusion time and again that I wasn't okay. That being emotional or moody could not, should not coexist in the same body as a reasonable, rational, logical being. Embracing one facet as "good" and shunning the other as "bad" did nothing to promote self acceptance, allow me to relish in my uniqueness, or help me learn to love who I am and become the amazing person that God made me to be.

I flashback regularly to periods of my life, viewing myself in hindsight as the girl, the young adult, the middle aged woman trying to reign in and subdue my intense and passionate nature- stuff it down and pretend it doesn't exist, hold it together in a narrow-minded mold that was deemed appropriate, dress and act conservatively (you may as well ask me to grow glitter-encrusted wings) to avoid conflict and keep my head down- for what? To please an employer at a job I can't stand? To fit the ideal of a lover who couldn't appreciate me as I am? Maintain an imbalanced friendship, or remain "accepted" by a certain group of people? How miserable. How utterly unfulfilling.

No more. Never again. I love the fire in me as much as the calm in me. I love the crazy as much as the quiet. I am imperfect, and flawed, and fabulous.

If God truly loves and accepts me, exactly as I am, exactly as I am created to be, then why should it be so damn hard for me to do the same? Why should I give anyone else the power to dictate whether or not I am acceptable-- let alone awesome? I. Am. Awesome. And so are you.

So what if the people in your life don't agree, or try to tell you that somehow you are "less than" based on your beliefs, your lifestyle, your biology, your political leanings, your fashion sense, your country of origin, your sexuality, your hobbies, your ______? What then? Well, this is where it gets a little bit challenging. The decision is yours, and though it is a simple one, it is not an easy one. You, and you alone, get to decide who is allowed a place in your life- who your friends are, who you give your love to, where you work, where you live and who you live with, or without. It might lead to some editing of relationships, or it might mean that some radical changes need to be made; and though that can be scary, it is ultimately what pushes you to be your best self, your happiest you.

If there is one lesson that life has taught me, it is this, courtesy of the great William Shakespeare- "This above all: to thine own self, be true; And it must follow, as the night the day; Thou canst then not be false to any man." 'Hamlet' Act I scene iii Be true to yourself. In no way does this make you selfish; all it makes you, is YOU. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.