Crush

Platonic relationships between Men & Women-- Myth? Urban Legend?

It's not a new question, and I'm certainly not trying to be original. I'm just honestly wondering if it is really possible to have a purely platonic relationship with a man. I would like to believe that Yes, This is Possible, and Fact! I've always claimed it to be so... but is it?

We all have those guy or girl friends that we would totally roll the dice and move forward with if circumstances were right, but this isn't that. The dynamic changes when only one of the two has deeper feelings, romantic leanings towards the other. Complicates things, muddies the water. I have to think that there is some kind of compromise, some shift of power that transpires when a Man and a Woman decide that their relationship will not go beyond the Friend Zone. One person loses, always. The line of demarcation is drawn, clearly and indelibly, when one tells the other in so many words, I'm so glad we are Friends. You're such a great Friend. Blah, blah, blah, Friend, let me tell you all about the guy I'm obsessed with, the girl who I'm getting the butterflies over, the person who just broke my heart. All the while, one person secretly (or not-so-secretly) harbors a crush on the other, but the feeling is just not mutual. Maybe the one who is being admired knows it, and coyly sucks up the attention, knowing full well that it will not be an equal exchange. He or she accepts that romance is not in the cards for them, but chooses to continue "being friends" rather than give up that person's company altogether. Or maybe not, maybe they just never bring it up and pretend nothing's really there, no chemistry, rationalize it away and carry on with the regular things that Friends do. Still someone is left feeling awkward, inadequate, achingly hopeful that maybe it will happen for them just like it does in the movies, because that romantic comedy formula ALWAYS gets us.

For as far back as I can remember, I've always been friends with both boys and girls. Of course I went through the dreaded "boys have cooties" phase, even though I thought it was stupid and I knew they didn't. I still just wanted to play with them- chase, tree tag, kickball, ditch 'em- anything to keep moving, laughing, running wild. Fast forward a few years and add some happy hormones, and my fascination with these muscular, strong, super-cool creatures was piqued. I loved my girlfriends, of course, but boys... well, they were just different. And I like different. But most boys my age weren't attracted to me as they were to other girls; I was too skinny, too pale, too freckled, too smart, too spastic, too tomboyish. But I was always a fun friend, so that's the role I accepted.

In my adult life, almost all the male friends I have are "safe" for me (i.e., unavailable or uninterested) and fit neatly, safely into the Friend Zone, where nobody gets hurt. Or do they? I've had a couple of silly friend-crushes over the years that didn't amount to anything, they were just harmless and fun. Nothing more than some mild flirting with no real risk, really. Just fun, and sometimes, maybe a sucker punch to the heart--like when the object of my more-than-friend affection would suddenly go dark, and I would fall off his radar for days, weeks. Hm. A little hurt. Uncomfortable. And if I have felt that little friend-crush sometimes, I have to wonder if, just maybe, sometimes someone feels a little friend-crush for me and I'm just wholly unaware of it, or semi-consciously blocking it. It's not a fun thought, like a nagging, ragged fingernail that I just want to smooth over as quickly as possible. So yes, it is possible- for a price. The going rate for Platonic is total honesty, having the stones to talk through any unresolved feelings and sometimes having awkward conversations if it means doing so will preserve or strengthen the friendship.

Really, truly, I don't want to hurt anyone, and definitely don't want to be on the other end of hurt either. I don't have the energy for it, frankly, and I would much rather just enjoy life right now rather than be bummed that I'm not "in a relationship" with anyone. It is freeing, and pretty fantastic. I love having men in my life who I can just be friends with, who care for me- and I for them- as a person and a playmate, not a *potential* bedmate. I also enjoy going on non-dates where we can all just get along, have a good time, and nothing gets weird with sexual undertones and hurt feelings. Platonic is easy. Platonic is uncomplicated, drama-free. I will probably always get the squishy, butterfly-in-the-belly feelings from time to time, but it doesn't mean that it has to develop into a romantic thing. And I'm totally OK with that.

Redux

What does it mean to "reinvent" yourself?

What does it take to be "relevant" today?

There is a very fine line between character and caricature, between the perfected and the perfectionist.

For as wonderful as the prospect of starting fresh and feeling like someone who is actually interesting sounds, neither is possible without first breaking down and letting go of who and what you think you are right now, today, this very moment.

My mind is blown on a daily basis by the examples of incredibly courageous people who have broken down the walls they've built and bravely charted new territory, carving out lives of meaning, influence, and deep personal satisfaction. The creative, the artistic, the philosophical, the passionately committed... you inspire me.

Here's to taking the status quo and shoving it off a cliff. I want to test my limits and be more.