Hockey Ruined/Saved My Life

It's been over for about a week now, and the vacuum its absence has created in my heart is palpable. A profound sense of loss, aimlessness, and longing for something that you just can't have has overcome me like a lover long gone.

Hockey season is over, and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm ruined for the next three months, damned to hunt for scraps of news ("Lidstrom signed on to the Red Wings for one more year!" "Winnipeg has 7th round pick in the drafts!" "Vancouver will likely keep all of its core players!" "Speculation is that Selanne may sign for one more year!") and troll around Vegas during the NHL Awards hoping for a pic or... deep breath... an autograph.

I just love this sport. Few things have stirred up so much passion in me, given me so much joy, and filled me with a desire to belong to a group of devoted, die-hard fanatics as hockey. The fact that I'm an American, and a Californian to boot, makes it even sweeter since it makes me somewhat of a unicorn, a chupacabra if you will.

Having just finished my third season as a fan and follower, I pretty much hate that I didn't get into it years ago. Because, trust me, I would have been INTO it. I have huge admiration for the fans who know the game inside and out, know the stats and history of players long since retired, and remember fondly the days of hockey gone by. Still, I absolutely love it and am grateful that I have it now. It's much more than a game to me; it's a huge part of me.

The truth is, hockey came into my life as a blessing in disguise at a time when I needed it most. As an unmarried woman of a certain age, I hit a point in life when all of my closest friends had moved on with their married lives, my only child was all grown up, and my prospects of finding "the one" had faded into oblivion with another heartbreaking betrayal of trust. Even with the really good things I was involved in and continue to be blessed by, if I'm completely honest- the loneliness I was dealing with at the time had driven me to make choices I would rather forget and erase from existence.

And then came hockey.

Finally, something just purely fun and exciting and spectacularly thrilling that I could become immersed in, meet amazing new friends to let loose with and enjoy the ride. Hockey brings a delightfully joyful balance to my life, which is normally filled with family drama, a less than challenging job (sorry, Boss), and a wonderful ministry to HIV/AIDS orphans in Kenya. For me, watching these unbelievably talented athletes go to work and play this beautiful game stirs up something primal, something visceral that is intensely sexy, a little bit dangerous, and completely addictive. Team work, stars and legends, coaching strategy- it's incredible to see it all play out, and being surrounded by thousands of like-minded hockey lovers watching it unfold in front of me is just amazing.

Many of my friends and colleagues think I've lost it, that I need a "hockey intervention" and can't understand my Facebook posts during hockey season (let alone during playoffs). Other friends just look at me as a curiosity, a funny little source of amusement with my hockey-fueled rants. I'm totally OK with that. And then there are the magical few who get it, who fully grasp the emotional roller coaster I ride with my teams' wins and losses, who are just as passionate about their favorite players and feel with undefinable intensity what it means to love a team. These are the people who go on spontaneous road trips, cheer like maniacs at every game--whether watching from the stands or in front of the TV-- and have multiple layers of fan props (jerseys, t-shirts, car flags, face paint, tattoos... you get the picture) that just add to the enjoyment and create an incredible sense of fun-loving community that can't be manufactured. You gotta love that, right?

So yeah, you could say hockey has ruined my life- and I couldn't be happier.