Sucker Punch to the Heart

Hello, Universe? It's me. Um, WTF?!? Am I just NOT EVER supposed to meet a nice, normal, attractive unmarried guy? Because if that's the case, I'm OK with it but would just like to know so I can stop making a complete ass of myself.

Scene: Two weeks ago, online, and getting hit on by a super-attractive guy (according to his profile picture, at least)whom we shall call 'Mr. T'. He seems genuinely interested in getting to know me, and we exchange email addresses in order to communicate/chat outside of the Popular Matchmaking Website. I'm not a complete idiot, so I do give a rarely-used email and don't give any of my personal info beyond first name. We spend some time chatting online, and proceed to chat daily. T writes me poetic, romantic emails. He asks if he can send me flowers (still not a total idiot, I don't give my home address but do give my office address). He sends additional photos upon my request, and they are smokin' hot. T types with an accent. A sexy, Russian accent, as it turns out. He gives me his phone number, and I get to hear the voice... definitely sexy phone voice, but sweet, not creepy. He is out of the country for a couple of weeks working on an international development project. Did I mention that he is starting to ring all my bells? Things are looking up, and I am cautiously optimistic and looking forward to meeting Mr. T. in a few days time.

Fast forward to Thursday: In the course of our morning chat, Mr. T informs me that his son is about to have his 16th birthday, but sadly he won't be home from his trip on his actual birthday. He is sad, because he and his son are very close (so I'm told). Aw, that is sweet! Model-good-looks, works with his hands, and cares for his son. And then the first big red flag flies up... Mr. T wants me to buy his son a birthday present! Um, we haven't even met in person yet. 'Wouldn't that be kinda weird?' I write. 'No my love, he will love you for doing this!' responds Mr. T. 'I don't know,' I stall. 'I don't know anything about him.' 'He likes video games, and wants a PSP.' Really? You want someone you've never met to buy your son a PSP? I'm starting to smell a rat. 'I need to get back to work now, break is over.'

Friday AM: Text msg on my cell #1 Good morning sweetie! how are today my love? I cannot stop thinking of you my angel. Text msg #2 Are you there? Talk to me my love. #3 What about birthday gift for (son's name)? I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt, because dating in the middle ages (we're both mid-40's) is tricky and even more challenging when you have a teenaged child living with you who you are trying to appease. Still, I do not reply to any of the messages and am becoming increasingly annoyed with the pressure to buy a birthday gift for a kid I haven't met and am not even sure actually exists.

Friday PM: Chatting online, no mention of gifts. Mr. T is happy that I am online and wants to tell me how much he misses me, can't wait to see me and hold me in his arms.

Saturday AM: Awake to several good morning text msgs from Mr. T. After coming home from an intense spin session, I am fired up and feeling strong! I decide to hop online (just so you know, I am NOT online all the time and actually do have a life away from the computer) with Mr. T. 'Hey how are you? Did you have a good day?' 'No,' he writes, 'it was a very bad day, my son is in hospital with Malaria Fever!' 'WHAT?' I write, 'You mean he is out of the country with you now?' 'Yes, he is with me my love.' Hm, I smell a rat again. Didn't he tell me he was so sad that he was going to miss his son's birthday? I can barely see through the sea of red flags popping up. 'I need your assistance, my love. I am broke and cannot pay the hospital bill. Will you loan me some money?'

Hello, Universe? WTF?!!?

At that very moment, I was angry and embarassed. At that very moment, Mr. T went from being a fun, interesting, potential new hope for love to being every jerk, jackass, and lying mutha f@#$er I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. As I had deep down feared, he was too good to be true. He was just another scammer looking to prey on a hopeful heart and exploit it. He was another petty con man. And I was not going to be his next mark. I was pissed!

'NO' was my response, seething with those two little keystrokes. 'Alright, babe' wrote Mr. T. At that point, I could have just signed off, but I was still pretty upset. Before I knew it, I was typing furiously. 'And shame on you for trying to pull this fraud on me! I was stupid to believe that you might be for real. Do NOT contact me ever again. Goodbye, faker.'

He protested that he had made a mistake, and he was sorry for asking my help, and that he really has deep feelings for me, blah blah blah whatever. I sat watching his IM's pop up, trying to draw me back in. 'You know what? I don't believe you. Leave me alone you big liar!' The words flew onto the screen as I hammered out my humiliation before logging off. Several text msgs followed from Mr. T, but I refused to reply. I felt my heart turn cold and my eyes turn hot with tears. I felt like a damn fool.

And yes, I may be a fool. But one thing I will never be is a person who gives up on love. I have a lot of it in my life right now, and even if the universe is against me having another intimate relationship, that's OK. I do know that for every jerk, jackass, and con man out there breaking hearts there is a good, decent, attractive man living right. And maybe, just maybe, we will find each other.