Cyber Dating Awards, Part 2

At last, at last! The Cyber Dating Awards ("Cybees") are here! A time to recognize the truly depressing depths to which my love life has sunk... nay, to Celebrate the Madness! And just like a real awards show, it is a little too long and painful (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Sorry, addicted to The Office.) True, plenty of people have found what they are looking for through the many Popular Matchmaking Websites, and in my short time participating in the forum I have met some truly interesting people. Well, "met" is a relative term. Given the overwhelming amount of remarkably bad matches offered to me, I am really taking my time to sift and weigh the very few actual possibilities presented.

I mean, I understand that the sites "match" people based on a few very general tags in their profiles, and the rest is up to us... kinda like real life... but the bad matches are just so far off, I have to assume that the only criteria is that we each have a pulse. Judging by some of the profiles, even that much is questionable. Still...

(Me, clapping my hands together in rapid succession) So Excited! Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, it's time to award the winners!

For these first 3 categories, I cannot post their actual photos, for fear that they may hunt me down and shank me!

Creepiest Photo: "Serial Killer Chic" Dear Online Dating Dudes: Please groom before taking a photo of yourself and posting it in the hopes of attracting females. We scare easily.

Creepiest Photo: "Gang-banger/Thug life" Dear Online Matchmaking Site: Look at me! I'm a nice, tiny blonde lady who does not have a criminal record. Does this really look like a match to you?

Creepiest Photo: "Most Naked in a Creepy Way" Dear Online Dating Dudes: Thank you for wanting to show me your body. Would prefer not to see the cropped off portion of your previous girlfriend next to you in bed.

This next category is fun! See, although I am typically most comfortable dating younger men, I am totally open to dating men of my own age or even a little bit older- like 5 years. Age may be just a number, but my stated preference on profile is 35-50. And here are the winners for...

Most Significant Age Difference: "Over" 62!! >"Under" 19!! and "Switcheroo" stated age as 50, but confessed to 56!! (after writing about how much he values honesty- anyone else see the irony here? Bueller?)

A few Honorable Mentions...

Least Compatible: "Marital Status" MARRIED! Um, yeah.
Least Compatible: "Geographically Undesirable" CHINA! Really?
Least Compatible: "Religious Differences" ATHEIST! It's your business, but I love God so this just won't work.
Least Compatible: "Miscellaneous" "INTENSELY PASSIONATE" MAGICIAN! Runner Up: "EXPLORING MY FEMININE SIDE WITH WOMEN'S CLOTHES!" Oh God, where do I begin? I'm just going to move into a fetal position now and cry.

This next category is Extra Special. I'm just going to go ahead and post their photos because these guys truly suck. Consider it my Public Service Announcement. If you see them, or a lady friend of yours gets caught up with one of them, warn her immediately.

Total Jackass: "The Imposter" The Nigerian Money Scammer!
Profile Pic-- (top screen)see that super-handsome guy who looks like a model?
Actual Pic-- (second from top)this is his actual photo found on fraud website!!!

Total Jackass: "The Belligerent Bully" The Guy Who Made Me Cry!
(third one down)Stupid sunglasses should have tipped me off--


Total Jackass: "The Sleazy Sexual Harasser" The Scary IM Guy!
(last photo) Eww, eww, ewwwwww... cannot repeat what was said... need to bathe myself in Lysol-


And finally, I would like to wrap things up with the Most Hopeful Awards. I am genuinely excited about the final awards because they represent the best of what the whole dating thing has to offer, online or otherwise. Hope. People were created and put on this beautiful planet to love and care for one another, through friendships, families, and soul-touching love. It's just something I believe we are all hardwired for, and hope against all odds to find. Right now there are some nice friendships forming, and a couple of promising possibilities developing. I am looking forward to meeting soon to see if there is a spark that flies beyond nice pics and the written word. If one of these matches pans out, I will have found gold. I don't want to jinx it so that's all the info I'm sharing at this point. Wish me luck...